The Sunday

Waking up even before my alarm rang, my biological alarm is somewhat embedded and I am not able to sleep in anymore.

Waking up to a hot stone spa and at the same time yearning for French Toast at Moontree47. Headed there rightaway thinking that I still do have time while waiting for the King. It was quite a number of people and I ended up waiting for my french toast when I decided to check on the flight arrival, realising that I was actually late for the pick up. Feeling different this time. A part of me, am glad that he is here, another, I am not too sure. I would say I am not too sure of what is happening. Honestly, I love the time, the company, the conversations and the things we did. Perhaps, the activities were things I usually do, even when am alone just that it is different when I have him around, different as in I have him around. Yea, deep inside me, I miss him a lot. There are so many things I would want him to know, to tell him, to share with him but knowing the truth and the fact behind the mask that he has put up, yes, it hurts me more. It hurts me deeper when I have to pretend, that I didn't know about it and he has to deny it. Nothing about me I told him is not true, but everything he tells me has to go through a filtering, doubting and a validation process. Actually, that is what I am tired of. I have been telling myself that I can't do this any further, many times indeed but I, to no avail, fail to do that. Never once I was not there for him when am here, he never does the same. Never have the same treatment and I always remember there were once he told me he has commitment. That phrase alone kept running in my head. Now that I knew about his commitment, the entire situation actually left me standing all alone at a crossroads. I am indeed week inside. Very. Each time I look at him, I have to tell myself to retrieve.

It is hard, each time I manage to stand, he will be there to push me off again and the process of getting up gets tougher.

Looking at the sun tucking in. Yea, I wasn't there alone.

I really miss all the times we shared but its about time to draw the line. I am not fit to be in your dramas. I just a girl who listens and trusts you. You just need to tear me apart and I got tired of asking and telling you the same old thing. Nothing at all change and that includes my feelings but the situation is. Thanks for spending the little time with me. Don't hurt the heart that loves you.