Lately.

Life goes on. I've been keeping myself really busy with work. Yea. Only work. So much to do, yet so little time. Oh, well. I still reward myself after all the sweat and tears I put into my career. I am glad for who I am yet still. I got back from China not too long ago and I could tell this is one of the toughest backpacking trip I have with the crew. I love it.

There were so many things I thought of in the trip and one thing for sure, I managed to put them in my phone cuz am afraid that once I come back, everything in my head at that very moment, will just slipped off and once my fingers touch the keyboard, they will freeze and I know not what to write anymore. Its one of the trip that I pen down most of my thoughts and put them word by word. Yes I did. Throughout the entire train ride, I did not just sleep despite the fact that I was obviously deprive of it. At the corner of my mind, I still have you and I always wonder, things will be different if you were here, with me. As I was jotting down my thoughts, it some what activated my tear glance. "Big girls don't cry", remember? Flashes of good times were running through my head, and obviously, I miss you. It hurts so much, when some unwanted thoughts crept in. Things like, you don't do what you have promised and cooked up with excuses. You could just tell me the truth. Probably you don't care anymore. All I wanted was just honesty, being transparent with each other, just like how I shared myself with you. Just that, at times, you chose to listen to others than trusting me. Ever since our last conversation, I decided to take the first step, to move away from where I stood, further away from you. I did. I lifted my feet, it felt so heavy, and I gave it all in with all the strength and courage telling myself that there is nothing here left for me anymore. All I have with me was just a broken and shattered heart in pieces, being pierced and stabbed many times, right in the middle. I never thought we would reach here, where we are now. It had been a longggg way. Never once I thought that you would end up this way. So many things I know not about you. You simply chose to hide things away from me. You will just do what you do best, ignore. Guess you have said enough, I have done enough, played my part and extended everything I could. Many times, I told myself to back off. Things will never work anymore, its you who ensure me that you will work things out. I don't know if I should call myself naive. I trust(ed) you all I can. Yet, at the end of the day, I got backfired. 

Seen enough, done enough. 

You come back to me as you like, leave as you wish. Just like you remembered every bits we spent together, I did not forget either. Thanks for all the good times, and the bad ones makes the entire relation a memorable one. I love the times we shared. The crazy things we talked about and being insane in others' land. I am supposed to be having a webbie session with a friend, I dare not even turn on the webbie when I can't even hold my tears.

Have I ever told you when was the time I enjoyed most with you? Every bit of us being together. I thought we could do much more together, when we still have more plans for 'HH', invading more lands, stuffing you with loadsa foreign local food, more interesting pics, prolly sharing of lenses, etc. 

Guess this is gonna be a long goodbye. It was a real good time having you. I didn't move an inch away from you even though I said it numerous times. I am, still, where I am from day one till now. Guess you won't find this anyway. :)