The Sunday

Waking up even before my alarm rang, my biological alarm is somewhat embedded and I am not able to sleep in anymore.

Waking up to a hot stone spa and at the same time yearning for French Toast at Moontree47. Headed there rightaway thinking that I still do have time while waiting for the King. It was quite a number of people and I ended up waiting for my french toast when I decided to check on the flight arrival, realising that I was actually late for the pick up. Feeling different this time. A part of me, am glad that he is here, another, I am not too sure. I would say I am not too sure of what is happening. Honestly, I love the time, the company, the conversations and the things we did. Perhaps, the activities were things I usually do, even when am alone just that it is different when I have him around, different as in I have him around. Yea, deep inside me, I miss him a lot. There are so many things I would want him to know, to tell him, to share with him but knowing the truth and the fact behind the mask that he has put up, yes, it hurts me more. It hurts me deeper when I have to pretend, that I didn't know about it and he has to deny it. Nothing about me I told him is not true, but everything he tells me has to go through a filtering, doubting and a validation process. Actually, that is what I am tired of. I have been telling myself that I can't do this any further, many times indeed but I, to no avail, fail to do that. Never once I was not there for him when am here, he never does the same. Never have the same treatment and I always remember there were once he told me he has commitment. That phrase alone kept running in my head. Now that I knew about his commitment, the entire situation actually left me standing all alone at a crossroads. I am indeed week inside. Very. Each time I look at him, I have to tell myself to retrieve.

It is hard, each time I manage to stand, he will be there to push me off again and the process of getting up gets tougher.

Looking at the sun tucking in. Yea, I wasn't there alone.

I really miss all the times we shared but its about time to draw the line. I am not fit to be in your dramas. I just a girl who listens and trusts you. You just need to tear me apart and I got tired of asking and telling you the same old thing. Nothing at all change and that includes my feelings but the situation is. Thanks for spending the little time with me. Don't hurt the heart that loves you.

Thoughts

... and am putting my thoughts in words again, today. Its a long tiring day, enjoyed myself and with many tiny thoughts crossed my mind. Yes, he is here just that we did not see each other. I have suppressed myself, so much that I know I can't handle anymore. He watched me broken down in tears, he did not lend a hand. He knows. I have forgiven you too many times just because I love you but you took me for granted. Call me stupid for trusting you as it was all because how much you have showed me and I totally believed that I am certain that you are the one. You filled me love, so much that I can forget the world, dropped everything around me and just slot you in whenever you are here. There is a point where it crossed my head that I might regret letting you invade me. You had me, you fooled me.

 I just couldn't understand why another lie :) I can take in no more. I am superbly disappointed that you did it again. You lied again. I love you, but not your lies. You cheated on me, you can do it again. I have told you everything I wanted to. It was a great time being with you minus the lies. I wish you were able to be honest with me and share yourself with me. Regardless the disappointment, anger and being hurt tremendously, I am true to you. I miss calling you Ahb. Now that I have to pull back and control, wrap up my feelings. I can't afford to fall any harder. Thank you for the experience and goodbye.

Lately.

Life goes on. I've been keeping myself really busy with work. Yea. Only work. So much to do, yet so little time. Oh, well. I still reward myself after all the sweat and tears I put into my career. I am glad for who I am yet still. I got back from China not too long ago and I could tell this is one of the toughest backpacking trip I have with the crew. I love it.

There were so many things I thought of in the trip and one thing for sure, I managed to put them in my phone cuz am afraid that once I come back, everything in my head at that very moment, will just slipped off and once my fingers touch the keyboard, they will freeze and I know not what to write anymore. Its one of the trip that I pen down most of my thoughts and put them word by word. Yes I did. Throughout the entire train ride, I did not just sleep despite the fact that I was obviously deprive of it. At the corner of my mind, I still have you and I always wonder, things will be different if you were here, with me. As I was jotting down my thoughts, it some what activated my tear glance. "Big girls don't cry", remember? Flashes of good times were running through my head, and obviously, I miss you. It hurts so much, when some unwanted thoughts crept in. Things like, you don't do what you have promised and cooked up with excuses. You could just tell me the truth. Probably you don't care anymore. All I wanted was just honesty, being transparent with each other, just like how I shared myself with you. Just that, at times, you chose to listen to others than trusting me. Ever since our last conversation, I decided to take the first step, to move away from where I stood, further away from you. I did. I lifted my feet, it felt so heavy, and I gave it all in with all the strength and courage telling myself that there is nothing here left for me anymore. All I have with me was just a broken and shattered heart in pieces, being pierced and stabbed many times, right in the middle. I never thought we would reach here, where we are now. It had been a longggg way. Never once I thought that you would end up this way. So many things I know not about you. You simply chose to hide things away from me. You will just do what you do best, ignore. Guess you have said enough, I have done enough, played my part and extended everything I could. Many times, I told myself to back off. Things will never work anymore, its you who ensure me that you will work things out. I don't know if I should call myself naive. I trust(ed) you all I can. Yet, at the end of the day, I got backfired. 

Seen enough, done enough. 

You come back to me as you like, leave as you wish. Just like you remembered every bits we spent together, I did not forget either. Thanks for all the good times, and the bad ones makes the entire relation a memorable one. I love the times we shared. The crazy things we talked about and being insane in others' land. I am supposed to be having a webbie session with a friend, I dare not even turn on the webbie when I can't even hold my tears.

Have I ever told you when was the time I enjoyed most with you? Every bit of us being together. I thought we could do much more together, when we still have more plans for 'HH', invading more lands, stuffing you with loadsa foreign local food, more interesting pics, prolly sharing of lenses, etc. 

Guess this is gonna be a long goodbye. It was a real good time having you. I didn't move an inch away from you even though I said it numerous times. I am, still, where I am from day one till now. Guess you won't find this anyway. :)

Anew

I hope I can return here as my hiding place again :) It used to be the page known by all my friends but I have diverted it. Well, let it be. I just need a space all to myself. I've come to a point that I am totally burnt out. But well again, I have not shared what I have seen and done in China. It was a total whole new "world" kinda thing. The culture and the people I see gave me different inputs from many other directions and indeed, I found something deep inside me that I don't know or probably just found out. To my surprise :) Though I have been thinking about some other stuff at the same time, which kinda ruined my trip, also I regretted for not enjoying the entire trip to the bits. Not that I don't want, just that there are things which are bothering me. When I am away from the Internet, I just wish that Internet does not invade our lives some what.

Can I have a 'reset' button and start anew?

Since I got home from China, the entire perception of being me changed. Or maybe I was manipulated. I see things differently now. First thing first, I've gotta learn how to be selfish. :)

Keep'on smiling, Em. I know what I am worth and where I stand :)

MOVED!

MILLYMIN.COM

XXIV : Traces of Indonesia - Tanah Lot, Bali

Another tourist attraction, Tanah Lot, Bali. It took us quite long, I don't remember the duration but I remember I have to endure with the booty-ache session. Anyway, we usually sleep. Hence, sleep it is. Sleeping and waking up, sleeping and waking up, yea, that happened to me a couple of times, which then I decided to snap some random pictures.

Paddy field

Dangggg! Isn't this beautiful?

A little time to myself. :)

with some flowers

Over in Bali, I see a lot of these as they are used for offering.



Simply beautiful!






Overexposed... just that I wanna feature a bit of David in this entry :)



and end Tanah Lot with myself :)
Spot David?

XXIII : Traces of Indonesia - A random drop by

Silver making.




Silver balls. Nowadays, I see more of Solder Balls than silver balls. It seems like I desperately need a break! 
 The tools



Some random pictures taken on our way as we were heading for lunch.




I guess every time I travel, I can only see Aaron's face in my pictures.


From the menu, I don't think I would know what to order. I will probably do a random pick to try since I have not tried any.


"Tidak Mengandung Babi" means no pork / pork free.


Lunch was served! Bon Appetite! 

Weekend Escape

A great weekend :D

Nuff said

XXII : Traces of Indonesia - Oasis : Our final crib

 The Oasis located at the heart of Kuta, Bali which is just a walking distance from the famous Kuta Beach.

Add: Jl. Bakung Sari Kuta, Denpasar 80361

For those who needs an accom in Bali, I would recommend The Oasis. Its a superb place, which you'd be able to hear the waves from the room's balcony!


The usual stuff we do. After checking-in, we roam about :)



Overseeing the pool with bikini girls tanning :) I consider myself lucky for having all rooms overseeing the pool.





You can soak as long as you want especially during hot weather like that.


Love at first sight. I fell in love with the gecko.



My room, top floor second from the left.



Last but not least, the interior of he room. Super nice aye! Heart the clean and comfy room. It makes me don't feel like waking up the next morn! This is our last accom throughout our entire Indon backpack trip. We always save the best for the last. Even in Cambodia :)


There was a welcome drink for us with breakfast included. The service was good and I really did enjoyed my stay. Next round, anyone?